Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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