Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just google imaged poop.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
