but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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