Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
