u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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