Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
