forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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