Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
