I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
