I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
