please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
