My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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