Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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