I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
