I'm lost and stupid without you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
