he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
