just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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