dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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