a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
