I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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