I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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