I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
