so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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