apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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