toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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