What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
