I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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