she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I touched a dick in church today
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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