checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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