He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
