U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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