I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
