Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
