final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
