I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
