i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.