Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL