after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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