a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
