I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
