I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize