I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
