i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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