george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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