i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize