I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
