My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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