you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
