When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
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we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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