If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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