just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
