yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
