on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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