It's Friday. Sex?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
