Dual....:-)
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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