he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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