Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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