Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
