Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
