I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
