Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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