I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
