I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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